How To Build Healthier, More Supportive Relationships
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling lighter, happier, and truly seen? Or, on the flip side, have you ever left an interaction feeling exhausted, anxious, or unappreciated?
The people we surround ourselves with directly affect our wellbeing. Supportive relationships can bring strength, encouragement, and joy. But toxic or one-sided relationships can drain our energy and leave us questioning our worth.
So, how do you build healthier, more supportive relationships that are truly good for you?
What Makes a Supportive Relationship?
Healthy, supportive relationships, whether with friends, partners, or family, have a few key things in common:
- Mutual respect: You feel valued, heard, and appreciated.
- Emotional safety: You can be honest about your feelings without fear of judgment.
- Consistency: They show up for you, not just when it’s convenient.
- Balance: The effort in the relationship goes both ways.
- Encouragement: They celebrate your wins and support you through challenges.
If you have people like this in your life, cherish them. If not, it might be time to intentionally seek out healthier connections. Or it may be time to raise your expectations of your current relationship.
The best relationships feel like home—not because they’re perfect, but because they’re safe. They allow you to grow, change, and be fully yourself. If you haven’t experienced this kind of connection yet, don’t lose hope. They do exist, and you are worthy of them.
How to Attract More Supportive Relationships
If you’re feeling lonely or stuck in relationships that don’t serve you, know this: You can build a circle of people who uplift you. Here’s how:
- Be intentional about who you spend time with. Pay attention to how you feel after interacting with someone. Do you feel supported, or do you feel drained? Prioritize relationships that bring out the best in you.
- Seek out people with shared values. You don’t need to have the same hobbies or backgrounds, but shared values—like kindness, generosity, or humility — are what make relationships last.
- Put yourself in spaces where the kind of people you want to meet are. If you want to connect with emotionally intelligent, growth-minded people, spend time in environments where they gather—whether that’s a local community group, a class, or even online spaces centred around personal development.
- Be the kind of friend you want to have. Supportive relationships aren’t just about what you get—they’re about what you give, too. If you want deep, meaningful friendships, practice being reliable, present, and emotionally available.
The people we surround ourselves with directly affect our wellbeing. Supportive relationships can be a source of strength, encouragement, and joy. But toxic or one-sided relationships can drain our energy and leave us questioning our worth.
Recognizing One-Sided Relationships
As you start surrounding yourself with supportive people, you may also realize that some relationships in your life aren’t attentive or supportive. If someone:
- Makes you feel guilty for not going along or having your own opinion
- Shares their worries and concerns with you, but makes little time for yours
- Undermines your confidence instead of building you up
- Makes you feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough.”
Then it may be time to distance yourself or even let go. You don’t have to hold onto relationships that make you feel small.
How to Raise Expectations Respectfully and Assertively
Raising your expectations does not mean expecting perfection. It may simply mean deciding that some things matter enough to speak up about. What do you need to feel respected, valued, and supported in this relationship?
That might mean:
- Disagreements without insults, yelling, or put-downs.
- More effort from both of you to stay connected.
- Feeling like your relationship is a priority, rather than feeling you come after friends, hobbies, work, or other activities.
- Being able to say what you think or feel without being dismissed.
- Honesty and transparency, especially when something is difficult to talk about.
- Respect for your time, privacy, friendships, and interests.
- More affection, encouragement, or time together.
Setting Healthy Boundaries
This is where boundaries can help. A boundary is not a way to control someone else. It tells them what you need and what you will do if something is not working for you. If your partner regularly makes time for friends or other activities but rarely makes time for you, saying, “You need to stop seeing your friends so much” is controlling. Saying, “Your friendships matter, but I need to feel like our relationship matters too. I’d like us to make regular time for each other” is assertive.
Being assertive means being clear about your needs without ignoring the other person's. Aggression uses threats, intimidation, or insults. Control tries to make the other person behave a certain way. A useful question to ask yourself is: Am I explaining what I need, or am I trying to make this person do what I want?
Build a Relationship That Fosters Growth
The best relationships feel like home—not because they’re perfect, but because they’re safe. They allow you and your partner (or friends) to grow, change, and be fully yourselves.
If you haven’t experienced this kind of connection yet, don’t lose hope. They do exist, and you are worthy of them.
Make a list of the people in your life who genuinely support and uplift you. Then, reach out to one of them today—send a kind message, make plans, or simply express appreciation for their presence in your life.
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Derrick McEachern is a Registered Counselling Therapist (RCT) in Nova Scotia, and a Canadian Certified Counsellor. He specializes in providing mindfulness-based and emotionally focused therapy. He offers workshops and webinars and consults with businesses on ways to improve employee wellbeing and mental health.
Derrick McEachern, M.Ed., RCT, CCC
Counselling Therapist, Owner
Five Star Wellbeing Counselling and Mental Health
tel: 902 698 1194
derrick@fivestarwellbeing.com
https://fivestarwellbeing.com
